♥LuAhAn HaTi NaNiE♥

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Its weekend again!! Wee.
Have been quite busy with work lately.
3 more weeks left.
I just felt that this was my worst period of all.
Ever since I was attached to Changi Airport,
I felt my life has totally change.
Im really2 tired.
That's all I could say.
I cried alot since then.
At times I just couldnt take it.
And soon to come, I felt there will be more tasked for me to handle.
Insyaallah, I will be able to go through all these with patience. :))

Went out with Zaf and Yati last sunday afternoon.
Its been a while since we met each other.
We shared stories, we shed tears, we laugh and jokes.
Their presence, encouragement, made me stand on my feet again.
Having just a little confidence to keep on moving.
Somehow, I lost that confidence again on tuesday
when I was so stressed up finishing my work at home late night.
I even cried, really2 awful, in front of my dad.
I know he's trying to encourage me.
"Dont think about what will happen in the future.
Just relax and dont stress yourself. Just enjoy your work.
Its not going to be easy. Take it as challenge in life.
Just do whats right. Be happy always. Dont think too much. :))"

23 days have passed.
Havent heard any single news from him yet
Should I just give up?
The feelings kept fading away ever since he left me all alone.
I dont know what else to say about us.
There's something gonna happen.
But I just dont know why I felt that way.
Am I doubting him in any ways?

Im sorry Mr B.
I couldnt meet you today.
I knew what will happen. Im sorry.
All these while i treat you not more than a friend.
And dont try to fool me with all your sweet words
cause im not gonna fall for it.
You already have someone and just be with her.
Dont say you can handle that cause i dont think you are.
And i know im not the only one had you say all those sweet words of yours.
Dont think i dont know.
Sorry but i dont think you are sincere enough.
Even so, Im sorry.
I already have someone else.
Thats it. Live your own live.
Cause i dont want to be involve or enter in your world full of lies.

The Story Of You & Me
3:34 PM.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

So many things happening this past few weeks.
And sometimes I just couldnt have the strength to face all this.
How I wish I could run away from all this.
Im not that strong
But what can I do.
I still have to face all this challenges no matter what.

1st week of attachment I have to go through without him to give me encouragement.
and I guess it will be throughout my whole 7 weeks of attachment.
2nd week and thats when my grandma passed away.
3rd week I got a scoldings from my supervisor.
And since then, there's always a fear in me each time I come to work.
I cried whenever I go out from my house.
I looked at my mum who still sleeping when I go out.
How I wish I could tell her everything that I felt at that moment.
And how I wish I could hug her tightly to show her how much I need her strength.
I looked at my sister.
How I wish I could be like her.
Spending time at home.
And how I wish she always beside me to give me motivation.
I feel some kind of pressure inside me.
Those who knows me will know what kind person I am.
Despite everything that has happened.
I still go to work with a sincere heart.
I already tried my best.
But I guess Im not that confidence in everything I do.
I shall not elaborate what happen at work.
Just that for now, Im not sure if I could face all this.
I just need a break.
4 more weeks and I dont know I'll be able to take it or not
Im seriously tired of crying every morning. :(

I hardly had my lunch this days.
And Im feeling super weak right now.
My migrane comes back on and off and its hurt.
And at the same time in LRT, I saw this guy looks abit like him.
And i start missing him already. Haish2.
I wonder what he's doing right now.
Haish2.
And I had a great fall at LRT yesterday while I was walking down the stairs.
Now my leg hurts.
And I cried on the way back home.
I feel Im so useless.
I dont know. Im feeling so weak.
:(

*I dont know why I have doubt in you.
Whatever happens, I just need ur sincerity.
No lies between us.
Thats all im asking for*

The Story Of You & Me
8:13 PM.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I was about to put aside all unhappy feelings
when I heard another sad news.
My grandma has just passed away on 14 March 09.
On that morning when I heard my dad asking my sis
to wake up early to go to my grandma house as
we get the news that she is super sick,
I felt something wasnt right.
We woke up, still taking time to get ready.
At 9.45am, me, sis and bro leave the house.
While on our way, we received a call from mum
that grandma passed away.
We 3 went quiet.
We rushed to grandma house.
Only a few of my uncles are there.
I never get to talk to her for the last time.
But Alhamdulillah, I heard that she passed away in a peaceful way.
If last week we never cancelled our plan to visit grandma,
I could have seen her for the last time.
I could have heard her voice for the last time.
I could have seen her smile for the last time.
But now not anymore.:(
I wonder how our families will be like.
I hope we still could gather together like we used to
during Hari Raya.
Ya Allah, ampunilah dosa-dosa nenekku.
Tempatkan dia di antara golongan orang-orang yang solehah,
beriman dan bertaqwa.
Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmatMu Ya Allah. Amin.

On the grandma passed away,
There's this family came to visit.
And there's this guy who look totally like my Tasmania.
The way he walked, his hair style, body size *lol*
and everything looks the same.
And all the way, I kept staring at him.
I guess I missed my Tasmania alot.
Haish. When will he be coming back?
So many things happening.
I need him here. :(

Yesterday was the day since I last have a good laughter.
I met Nad for breakfast over at Ten Mile Junction.
We share everything.
Seeing her happy with Al-fee makes me
misses my Tasmania even more.
How I wish we could be like them.
Their relationship is so strong.
Awwwwww.
Different people different life.
My life is much more complicated than it seems to be.

The Story Of You & Me
8:47 AM.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Im bored to the max larr sehh!
For this 2 days, no tasked been assigned to me.
Simply because they are busy with some operation problems
that has been going on lately.
So currently no tasked for me to handle.
Well. 2 weeks of attachment over.
Left with another 5 weeks.
And Im starting to enjoy my work. Haha.

Well, from today onwards,
all unhappy stuff will be put aside.
I encouraged myself to be happy
and stop thinking too much about him.
Right now,
I'll just wait patiently for him till he comes back.
Hopefully no more tears afterwards. :))
I have to get use to this kind of situations though.
Cause in time to come, he'll be going away again.
He had so many activities going on.
Not just in S'pore but to other countries as well.
So yahh. Have to bear with it la ehh.
*Itulah Nanie. Nak dengan dia sangat kan.
Amek kau! Rasekan!* =P
Like my dad say, "Ustaz katekan." Haha.

Anyway, just to let out something here.
To Mr B,
I dont know whats on your mind.
I dont know what you thinking.
I sense that you are confused with your own feelings.
U told me your feelings towards me.
But Im sorry.
I couldnt sense your sincerity.

Maafkan aku kerana rahsiakan semua
Maafkan aku kerana tidak percaya
Tidakku tahu tentang sebenarnya perasaanmu
Kata-katamu meragui hatiku

Yang ada dalam diriku cuma dia(Ayid)
Tiada siapa dapat menggantikannya
Kata manismu membingungkan
Sementara ucapannya(Ayid) penuh kejujuran.

Till here then.
I miss you Tasmania! :))

The Story Of You & Me
5:03 PM.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

(Poem from him)

*27FEB09*

Di antara diriku jua dirimu
Hanya mengharap cinta yang satu
Ku binakan mahligai impianmu
Oh sayang ikhlaskanlah hatimu

Malumu benilai
Katamu berhikmah
Hatimu tulus suci dan murni
Hanya diri yang halal engkau serahkan segala
Untuk mencari redha ilahi

Kau permaisuri di hatiku
Di dunia ini engkau penghibur
Menjunjung kasih amanah ilahi
Ku pasti akan terus menyayangi

Terima kasih ucapan ku beri
Kau hadiahkan ku cahaya hati
Ku pimpin tanganmu oh kasih meniti hari
Semoga kita dapat bersama
Sampai kepadanya di syurga sana

Tuhan tetapkanlah permaisuri hatiku
Untuk mendekati dalam menggapai cintamu

The Story Of You & Me
4:51 PM.

Someone told me this,
"Bear this in mind.
EATING IS NOT THE BEST SOLUTION TO STRESS!"
I shall heed his words from now on. Haha.

Since morning till now no task been assigned to me.
My supervisor is nowhere in sight.
So I just used this time to blog.
Hmm. Im super tired.
And yesterday was my crying day ever.
I shed too much tears till I guess im gonna get sick sooner.
Haha.I love it!
Cause I seldom get sick. Oh Oh. *Weird Nanie!*

Well, friends been encouraging me and advising me.
And I guess due to keeping alot of information
between me and Tasmania,
makes them have negative thoughts about Tasmania.
But what they say do make sense too.
Well, its all because of the trust that i had in him
which makes me have a positive mindset.
His sincerity makes me believe in him.
His presence makes me have the strength to face challenges.
I never felt this way before.
So many promises that he have made and I know I cant simply rely
on that cause promises can be broken.
I just leave to fate to decide everything.
Im keeping quiet cause I tried to understand him.
Im keeping quiet cause I dont want any misunderstanding occurs.
Im keeping quiet cause I think he needs time.
Patience is all I need right now.

Am I being too soft-hearted?? :(

The Story Of You & Me
10:55 AM.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I started todays day with tears in my eyes.
I dont know why.
I really really really missed him so much.
Just 1 week have passed.
But it seems difficult to get used to not having him around.
If last time, he would surely msg me every single day.
Asking what am i doing, etc.
Now, I feel so lonely.
Going to work early in the morning alone,
sitting here in office also alone, going home alone,
and at home less communication with my family.
For the past few days before i start work,
I would read all his msgs in my hp.
To me reading them gave me some confidence and strength.
And I never get bored reading them for umpteen times.
Just when will he be coming back??
:'(

The Story Of You & Me
5:28 PM.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

First week of attachment is over!
Left another 6 more weeks. Oh Oh.
Well, working at Changi Airport Budget Terminal
under Airport Operations Department was quite interesting.
I was alone there whereas my other schoolmates are all posted at T2 there.
(Kecian Nanie kene campak pat Budget Terminal sane. Ishk3*Shook head*)
Im working from 8.30am-6pm from mon to fri.
Which means everyday i need to wake up at 5am.
And will reach home arnd 8 plus at night.
Its really tiring. -.-
Well, everything's manageable.
Just for a few assignments that made me have that (?_?) face.

Well, just a few words of encouragement for my bestie here, Nadiah.
Im glad u move on.
Yea. Just move on.
No one knows what happen in the future.
Even if u facing difficulties along the way, do the best that you can.
Sentiasa berusaha, Insyaallah,
Allah akan mempermudahkan jalan untuk awak capai cita2 awk.
Gagal sekali bukan bererti gagal untuk selamanya.
Mungkin ade jalan lain untuk awk.
Cume mungkin bukan sekarang.
Whatever it is, just dont give up ok. :)

*Few days have passed.
When will you be coming back? :(*

The Story Of You & Me
5:06 PM.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Dalam hidup ini penuh dgn dugaan Tuhan.
Dan aku rase dugaan yang sedang aku alami skrg
adalah lalui 7 minggu attachment at changi airport
dan 1 bulan lebih untuk menunggu kembali kehadiran dia.

Well, nanie kene tabah hadapi semua nie.
2mrw he's going for attachment at Japan for 1 month plus.
Which means 1 month plus i cant get to contact him.
If i cant get to meet him at least i can take it.
But cant get to talk to him for that 1 month plus seems
a bit torturing for me.
Cause i need him.
I need his confidence.
I need his strength.
I feel so lonely without him.
I feel at lost.

Sometimes i understand him
Sometimes i dont.
Sometimes i know him
Sometimes i dont.
Sometimes i have confidence in him
Sometimes i dont
Sometimes i trust him
Sometimes i dont

He didnt even tell me he's going for attachment tomorrow.
Till i msg him this morning.
If not, i doubt by now i will know about this news.
What he treat me as?

HE : bsok abg dah attached g jepun 1 bulan lebih.
ME : Lame nye. Hmm.
HE : Aah. my flight pagi nanti. sure abg tk dpt msg, so just tc k?
ME : Asl abg tk ckp siang2?
HE : Tkpelah. Abg tknk bg nanie fkr2. U just enjoy ur work k?
ME : If i nvr msg u, u wont tell me kan? I know im not important to u.
HE : Thats not my point.
ME : I know you dont want me to worry.
But the more you hide this from me, the more u hurt me.
HE : Im sorry.

I dont know how life will goes without having to hear his voice,
or contact him. Why? Why all this happen?
Im not that strong to face all this alone.
You said you always be here for me.
But you leave me.
1 month plus seems awhile but to me its as though a year long waiting.
You said you dont want me to cry,
but you make me cry all the more.
You said you love me
but why did you keep things to yourself?
You said you would give me confidence
but why must u go when i need it now?
Awk! :'(

*I will wait for you no matter what.
I will pray hoping you have a safe journey.*

The Story Of You & Me
9:42 PM.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Since the day before i met him till today,
I keep having this uneasy feeling inside.
I dont know why.
And what happen yesterday, even makes my life suffocated.
Yes. I feel that I cant hardly breathe.
Going into a relationship was a biggest mistake ever.
Or should I say loving someone was a biggest mistake?
Im not trying to say loving him was a mistake.
Cause i never feel regret for choosing him.
I love him because of one thing.
His religion. Yes. Religion.
And thats what makes me attracted to him and waited for him.
Right now, u made me have this feeling of losing that confidence.
I just time to be alone for this moment.
If you feel like contacting, then just let it be.
You're going to be busy with your work soon and I understand that.
We wont be able to see each other no more.
I know I have no control over anything.
Let fate decides everything.
I just pray hoping you will be alright.

The Story Of You & Me
9:44 PM.